Spring has Sprung!

It's been a long winter, hasn't it?
Sometimes we forget that if you stand still, whatever it is will pass. 

November was the month that I lost my twin babies.  I would never have imagined that I could sit here and remember them without completely losing it.  But, as time moves on, they will never leave me, but I have to move on in order to be a good mother for the child that I am planning to have.  I need to be present.  
It's hard.  I wish I could pick all of my battles, but I can't.  So I stand still and move forward.  As I start this next round of IVF, I am terrified.  I think about the sonograms, the excitement, the nursery planning...and I am afraid to get excited.  Who is the next angel that will be sent to me?  Will it be a boy or girl?  I'll just stand still and see.